i feel like blogging all of a sudden =)
although i just like blog about what happen not long ago .
i just started thinking alot of stuff again ..
when i listen to those songs which just make me think of stuffs .
read her blog ..
and i start reflecting about myself .
me all these while ..
i dont know ..
i just felt this feeling ..
that i wasnt there for her at all .
is like ,
i felt so useless ..
as a best friend or as a friend .
whatever i am to her .
i just feel that way ..
because she is the one who listen to my problems always
telling her my secrets
slove those troubles that i have in life
give me her listening ears
always ...
but did i ?
i dont know ..
well ,
she used to say that i cant listen to people problems ?
i am not a good listener .
i want to be a good listener !
listen to whatever problems she is facing and stuff
can i just be a good listener to everyone ?
people are always there for me ..
and now it is my turn to be there fer them always .
even if i am not .
i will learn to =)
i want to be there fer them .
i dont want them to feel that they are alone
i am willing to listen everything .
everyone regrets in life ..
at least once
who dont ?
like me ..
i made a huge mistake .
and when i regret .
everything just seems too late
things cant be the same as before .
everyone want things in their way .
like me for example
but i just cant to want things in my own way
nothing in this world seems fair .
problems always happen to me .
one after another .
i asked myself why is this happening .
maybe all these are fate perhaps .
since fate wants my life this way ,
problems after another .
how can i change my fate of things ?
everyone make mistakes .
just now ,
me and mum had a so called quarrel ..
well , i dont know what is happening to me .
ever since .. the day that
that SOMEONE left me ?
or can i say since the party .
i am not me .
i dont know how say .
well ,
my mum called _______
and yeah
she joly well knows that i dont like her calling my friends
i told her like 95652154321215563 times ?
she just dont listen to me .
whenever she call my friend .
it just make me pissed .
and feel like quarreling with her .
but i try to controlling my damn temper .
i hope i could .
i understand how she feel .
i have been like doing soul searching
imagining how will i feel in the other party shoes
i know how my mum feel .
but cant she just understand me .
that i dontt like her calling my friends !
maybe she think it is the only way to make me listen .
cos i listen to my friends more ?
but which part of I DONT LIKE dont she just get me .
i dont want quarrel or what .
i want peace ! PEACE !!
and she start to complain to my dad stuff .
i really think i had enuff .
i know she cares about me .
i do care about her =)
but I JUST DONT WANT HER CALL MY FRIEND ANYMOREE !
beside all that ,
i dont know how am i freaking feeling now .
why am i having a mixed feeling
i love someone
but i like someone .
okay ,
i dont know .
trying to understand them seems so hard !
i give up ..
i want to love someone wholeheartedly ,
just be with that someone fer a long time
okay .
maybe a long time is impossible .
maybe just grant me with a year or sth ?
but of course .
if a long time .. is of cos what i want .
define these hurt i recieved ?
arrrghh .
i dont know what i am thinking
or neither do i know what are you thinking
hate myself for that
feel so dumb and stupid
could you just tell me what is up on your mind ?
i dont want anymore guessing games
if you love me no more ,
just say so .
so i wont be like a stupid fool waiting here
if you love me ,
tell me that you love me
and mean it .
if i want you back in my life ,
when you love me no more
and just coming back to me just to make me happy
i rather not be with you =)
and get on with life
{ / say you love me when you really mean it }