Monday, June 19, 2006
haiish ...i am thinking what should ii do tomorrow ..should ii returnshould ii keep ii really dunno ..ii feeling damn confused now .is like ...why didnt he ask from me back earlier ..but now ..i hate to make decision ..I HATE IT ~so manii things happening in my life ..and he is yet finding another problem to make me ..think of ...mess with ..i scared it will make the whole matter big ..i want to return him ..but ii dun bear to leave this bear ..haiish ...what should i do ..i hope he might change his mind ...am i going to run away with his bear tomorrow ?should ii bring it to his house ?should i just leave it at home ?fcuk it ..ii dunno what to do ..i think my feelings are starting to fade ..cos i saw his true colours ..issit the reason ?he complain to his girlfriend about me ..and he is still the same as before ..make empty promises ..which make me DAMN pissed off ..i wish i could just take up the courage and tell him off everything ..he never change ...after that breakhe promise he will ..but he broke it again ..all the promise he made ..were just empty promise ..i think he dun even remember those promise .he promised me ..but he can remember those promise ii promised him .not cutting myself ...ii did not .okay ...maybe ii can say ii used to .ii mean ..that time after break .ii really could not stand it ..when ii cut ..ii dun feel the pain ..but when ii feel better ..ii feel the pain .but after that ..i did not even cut anymore ...okay ...maybe i cant control him .only she can ..but she like dun even care bout him .or am i feeling too sentitive ?whatever it is ...i just dun trust his promise anymore ...sooner or later , i will tell him everything straight to his face .he never think .never use his brain to think .whatever he want to do ..i dun wish to care ..i really dun wish to care .but ii dunno why ..i just get myself worried .and make myself think about stuff .make myself cant sleep .damn silly of me ..i know ..from the start i already am ..should i return or keep ..should i return or keep ..should i return or keep ..seriously saying ..i want to forget him ..but ii dunno why at the same time ii just keep thinking of him ..ii think that my feelings for him are fading ..but at the same time ..ii still love him ..so what am i thinking of now ..i am sick of dealing with problems .i am sick of losing people .so mani things has happen to methis holiday .my tears taste so pain .i wan chyna back as my meii .i wan mahera back as my jiee .i really regret what i hav done .do they know i want them back .i wan him back .but it is impossible .i hope he could read ..all my previous post ..my book ..which was full of my feelings ..maybe not now barrhs ...maybe next time ..i scared he have no chance to read ...but only after 4 years later ...when i am .. 18 ?haiish ...hope someone would just understand my feeling ..{ / confused }Last Updated @ 1:59 AM
you are all i need Y